into the suitcase

I sat tonight, as you would normally assume I would be the night before a plane ride, on the floor, amidst a small mountain of folded clothes. The only things I had packed so far were two pairs of jeans and two pairs of shoes.

And it hit me, sometime between helping my mom dye her hair and that moment, that the countdown had begun. I suppose, however, that it had been creeping up on me all year, ever since the beginning of summer. But now its really here.

And I'm not always passive. Sometimes I go-get with the best of them. But it is a little harder when you have no idea what it is you're going to go-get. I do have my answer, when they ask me that question - if you have all the money you need, what would you do with your spare time? I have my answer, but mostly I'm anxious about giving it.

Topic Jump.

But does anyone else feel like college was sort of a stagnant time? I still feel like I'm 18, with a few minor adjustments - namely the fact that I can now buy alcohol in any country. And I'm better dressed. With a better haircut.

But anyway, stagnancy, anyone? And while staying that way through (almost) four years of college, it serves as a kind of control, to see how everyone else around you is getting older - or at any rate, not getting any younger.

And I know, I KNOW that my parents have always been getting older. But it hits me every time I come home - they look older and more tired. It's a scary thought process, one I shan't get into because I'm too tired to think loop-de-loops, but its still there, and its still scary. And my little brothers aren't so little anymore. Even little Patrick is ginormously tall and a lot more grown up than I remember.

mmmfffft.


They told me it would be uncertain. They forgot to mention that it would be terrifying, the not knowing.